Why I Hate
by firegirl56
Summary: A series of reasons why I hate various FAYZ characters.  NOTE: I don't hate Caine, so don't look for him here.  Next up is ALBERT HILLSBOROUGH!  I hate him because...
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! So, I haven't really done anything recently, because I was lazy and busy. Plus, I did my book report on HUNGER, and it was just so amazing. Not to brag or anything…;D**

**So, this is going to be a new series of one-shots about why I hate various GONE characters. I hope you like it! And review, or DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE! (and if you get the AVPM quotes, I officially love you. In a totally-awesome, non-awkward, virtual huggy sorta way, haha)**

REASONS WHY I HATE BRITTNEY DONEGAL

She takes away from Drake's awesomeness.

She has a horrible taste in clothes.

I mean really, sweat pants and a pink blouse that doesn't fit her? Are you TRYING to be ugly?

She sees her dead little brother,

But you'd think she would've been happy to see him go.

It's one less thing she'd have to deal with.

She thinks she's an angel of the Lord,

…While really she's just listening to an evil alien bacterium

Who is trying to start the apocalypse.

She's like a roach.

No matter how many times you try to kill her, SHE DOESN'T DIE!

Have I mentioned her AWFUL taste in clothes?

She's overly religious…

To the point of psycho.

And everyone knows that Drake is the only person in the FAYZ epically evil enough to be a true psychopath.

She serves a radioactive pile of sand.

Her wardrobe SUCKS.

She has a crush on a total coward.

Drake would be so much cooler without her.

Astrid said in PLAGUE that she would love to have a religious debate with her.

That kind of tells you everything you need to know.

She needs to be on What Not to Wear.

She's suicidal,

And keeps begging Sam to kill her.

Why doesn't she ask Caine?

He's much cooler, anyway.

Even WORSE than being suicidal,

She's DRAKE-CIDAL!

Seriously, who would want to destroy that adorable, puppy-microwaving, whipping, totally-awesome, psychopathic, supermegafoxyawesomehot, whip-handed antagonist?

She lets blind people shop for her.

And then counts it as community service.

She actually DOES community service.

I forgot to mention, she's also CAINE-CIDAL!

And really, who would want to destroy the most beautiful, smart, charming, handsome, thumb-biting, smexy, antagonist with delusions of grandeur?

She has the nerve to defile the body of Drake with her chubbiness,

Her ugliness, religious-ness…

…not to mention her gag-worthy attire!

She has NO concept of personal hygiene.

AT ALL.

How hard is it to clean the MUD and ROCKS out of your BRACES?

I don't even want to think about the last time she showered…

…or washed her clothes…

Or put on deodorant.

Because I don't think "Decaying Muddy Dead Girl" will attract anyone.

Except the coyotes.

And maybe the Darkness.

Then again, after seeing the way she dresses, no one will want to get close enough to smell her anyway.

She was just a plot device to get Drake alive again.

Not that I'm complaining, just…Drake deserves someone better…like ME!

I just hate her with a burning passion. Do I need a better reason?


	2. Albert Hillsborough

**Hey everyone! So, today I'll be telling you why I hate one of the most hated people in the FAYZ. That's right, folks, today you get to hear me give fifty stupid and not funny at all reasons why I think Albert is a complete…**

**Well, you get the point. Reviews are amazing. I live off of them. Get the hint? ;)**

REASONS WHY I HATE ALBERT HILLSBOROUGH

He's a businessman. No one likes businessmen.

He's a double crossing meanie.

And therefore, one of the most evil people in the books.

Did Drake ever stop someone from murdering Zil?

Then blame that someone for letting the town burn?

Did Drake then betray that person in front of three hundred people,

Then join their evil twin?

I think not!

Drake would have been all for murdering Zil!

Albert's a hypochondriac.

Who has the extreme stupidity to get on Lana's nerves.

He hoards toilet paper and batteries…

…for reasons that should probably remain unknown…

…unless you have the stomach for the inner workings of Albert's mind.

He didn't have the nerve to tell Mary that she was beautiful in GONE,

Leading to her anorexia in HUNGER,

Which in turn led to her suicide in LIES.

So it's all Albert's fault.

He doesn't tell people about things,

Such as the water situation,

Sends Edilio's army on a wild goose chase,

And tells him to fight a war against mutant bugs the size of cars.

He broke the law.

He broke into a McDonald's,

Impersonated an employee,

And gave away all their food,

FOR FREE! ,

To some ungrateful kids

Who were too lazy to get off their butts

And harvest squash.

He also stole all the turkeys from the grocery store,

Cooked them up,

Fed them to aforementioned kids,

And then had the nerve to call it a Thanksgiving dinner.

I don't think anyone in the FAYZ should be giving thanks,

Except for him…and Drake, Caine, and the gaiaphage

He then called the meal "community service".

He actually does community service,

Then gave the idea to Brittney,

Who ruined the definition of serving the community even more.

He manipulates people by finding the flaws in their character,

For example, "Hey, Quinn, want some trust?"

Or, "Hey, Sam, want to be a hero so the aforementioned lazy kids will like you?"

"No? Why not? Look, between you and me…Astrid rrreeeaaalllyyy likes guys who do heroic things. Hell, she might even sleep with you if you find this lake and abandon the town in one of its darkest hours!"

He's a wimp.

If someone broke into Drake/Caine's house, would they wet themselves?

I should think not! Drake would whip them to death and shoot them with a machine gun for good measure. Caine would just throw them through a brick wall. Unless they wore a Diana costume, of course.

Even Sam would have the decency to keep his pants dry when a bunch of upstart losers came into his house. Unless they wore an Astrid costume.

Then he would break down and cry.

I just hate Albert with a burning passion. Do I need a better reason?


End file.
